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04/29/2004

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minnie

my memories of you are so mixed. i think the best and also the worst ones are of all the times we would shoot each other up and then just lie next to each other for hours completely fuck-all stoned. terrible times but i also felt comforted by your presence.

Stephen Malkmus

One time Ted was staying at my place. He'd gone out for a while and I was sitting there, penning some songs, when there's a knock at the door. I open it and there Ted is, arms full with a case of pudding. I say nothing but allow him to enter.

For the next 10 minutes or so, he exits and returns, each time with a case of pudding. He had vanilla, chocolate, vanilla-chocolate swirl and banana. No tapioca, I don't think.

By now my curiosity was aroused. I asked him, "hey, why all the pudding?" but he just said "for later. Just be patient." So I waited.

Later on that night we had a dinner party to attend. After dinner Ted announced that he had been working on a project; the guests and I retired to my living room, where Ted had dimmed the lights. He entered and fiddled with the stereo and put on a fast as hell Sugar song. he moved across the room and turned on these little clip-lights, illuminating a stack of pudding cups. There were four or five stacks--I can't remember, and what happened after has made me block a lot of stuff out.

So Ted stood back and cranked up the volume so that most of the guests were wincing with their hands over their ears and they were screaming for him to turn down the volume. Ted, very focused at this point pulls out this elaborate little switchboard. He grins, points at me and mouths the words "this one's for you" and then starts hitting buttons.

Until now I hadn't seen that there were little wires running behind the stacks of pudding cups. Once Ted started hitting buttons, I knew what was going to happen. I stood to warn everyone but it was too late...the first explosion resulted in a bucketful of pudding hitting me in the face, neck and chest, effectively knocking me back into a sitting position on the couch. The explosions continued, timed to the drums of the song. Pudding was flying everywhere, people were screaming and then suddenly muted as pudding glommed up their mouths. Ted laughed and laughed.

After the song ended, people left, more or less angry and disturbed. I had to move out of Austin.

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